Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
>How to know whether or not you are ready to have kids
>
>Mess Test:
>Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind
>the couch and leave it there all summer
>
>Toy Test:
>Obtain a 55 gallon box of Lego’s (you may substitute roofing tacks if
>you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a
>blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.
>Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.
>
>Grocery Store Test:
>Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you
>as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or
>damage.
>
>Dressing Test:
>Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag
>making sure that all the arms stay inside.
>
>Feeding Test:
>Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from
>the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls
>of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an
>airplane.
>Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
>
>Night Test:
>Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of
>sand.
>Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and hum with the
>bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pm.
>Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard.
>Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm
>for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look
>cheerful.
>
>Ingenuity Test:
>Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it
>into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an
>attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil.
>Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa
>Puffs.
>Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
>
>Automobile Test:
>Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone
>and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick
>it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate chip
>cookies.
>Mash
>them into the back seat. Run a rake along both side of the car. There,
>perfect!
>
>Physical Test: (Women)
>Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your
>clothes.Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try not
>to notice your closet full of clothes. You won’t be wearing them for a
>while.
>
>Physical Test: (Men)
>Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the
>clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the
>head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to
>the store.
>
>Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
